A Germ of Thought

I may not be losing weight very fast but I am killing it in the gym. I'm working so hard and loving every minute of it. You probably couldn't tell by the look on my face when I'm trying to get that last rep on the leg press but I love it because it represents progress.

I've been having this crazy idea lately. It's not a new idea. It's one I've toyed with repeatedly over the years. When I was in my early 30's, I was deeply into bodybuilding and the bodybuilding scene in Illinois. I trained at a bodybuilding gym. I attended the shows and even began the process of certification as a show judge. I was starting my first prep for a show when I got pregnant and that pretty much ended that story. I've tried getting back in the gym on and off over the years but haven't been able to dedicate myself to training until two years ago. I gained so much weight that I screwed up my health and obliterated any gains I had made both with my weight and my musculature.

But I never completely lost the dream of competing again. Usually I look in the mirror and tell myself there's no way I could ever get my body back into competing shape, not at my age. And maybe that's true. I don't know. But I'm starting to have the crazy idea that maybe it's not such an impossible goal after all. Difficult, yes. Lots of hard work and sacrifice, for sure. But impossible, maybe not. It's just a gleam of a germ of a thought right now but thoughts become things. Maybe if I think this thought just right, it will flower into reality. Just maybe...